Do it again... Let's do it again...

Been a while! Not idle though, just living more life and gathering more fuel for writing!
So, in my last ramblings I had mentioned something about "Alberta Bound"... well, I had the concept of "west" right, just not Alberta! I have made a solid, conscious decision beyond Alberta... here it is!

READING THIS MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO AN IDLE STATE!

The Backdrop:
This is the actualization of a dream that formed in my mind so very many years ago and began in earnest in late 1998! I have always had "Mountain brain", and thank my dad for that in all sincerity. He had the opportunity to live in mountainous regions and passed that passion on to me. It's simply my style to pursue my passions to the n'th degree!

The Catalyst:
In 2000 I finally managed to visit and climb in the Canadian Rockies and experience mountains for real... for the very first time! If it was a passion before then, I was immesurably hooked! My being truly came alive in the mountains and subsequently left a piece of my soul there, vowing to return and become whole again. This marked a period in my life that was wrought with tremendous upheaval... anguish, loss, a marriage on the rocks and as always, if we endeavor to fall far enough, new beginnings. I had embarked on a journey which would take me through some of the blackest periods of my life as well as the most intensely incredible experiences I have had!

The Fuel:
My wild pendulum through life experiences has recently begun to shorten its swings through extremes and has left me immersed in a brand new world of hope! In 2007 I met Mia. That changed everything! On our first date I vowed to share with her in no uncertain terms that I was on a quest to "go west", and that if she was not truly passionate about doing the same... I was wasting precious time! She beat me to the punch and laid that line on me of her own accord before I could get there... HOLY, one could say that from that instant in time we were destined to undertake that journey together.

The Last Hurdle:
Ontario is a beautiful province and has been my home... it does however lack one solid part of my passion! Yes, I had some awesome times climbing, hiking, camping, kayaking, loving and living! I even managed to make my biggest passion my work! I found myself beginning to untangle me from the unsalvagable mess that my work and I had created in our passionate ten year relationship! It was the intensely painful severing of the last tangle that finally enabled my 'quest for west' to become a reality.

The Leaving:
Do I miss my family, my children, my friends... Hell ya! I truly hope that as a parent, a friend and as a son to wonderful parents I am sending a powerful message of hope! Life truly is what we choose to make it. It is also our choice to sit idly and watch it go by! Someone once told me that, "If you can conceive it, and you can believe it, you can achieve it!". They also told me that there would be many others out there who would do their utmost to dissuade me from achieving my goals. On both counts, they were dead on! My dream is that all of you find your passion, set a goal and go for it. I will only encourage and support you!

The Journey:
Drove alone, southern Ontario to the west coast BC in three days... seen it all before, had a fire burnin' in my soul to gitter done! Appreciated all of the beauty along the way and anticipated the bitter-sweet of the arrival in a new place: no Mia yet, no friends, no acquaintances, no homeys...
Thank you to a very brave young lady and her brother for chasing their dream and making their own journey to the west! I did have a part of our family to be with and that is so awesome! Thanks Kim and Chris.

The Now:
I love my work as retail manager at Ocean River Sports in Victoria. My quest for a place to live that has me close to the mountains and the ocean is ongoing, but getting closer!
I miss my beautiful soulmate something fierce, but know that in January Mia and I will once again be together... She is making her own journey through her tangled web of lifes experiences and chasing her quest for west in a very serious way! I am proud!
I know that I will see our children out here. You are all very precious to me and know that I love you beyond measure and will support you in the development and actualization of your own passions in life! I am so very excited about it all!

The Future:
That's for my next blog! Your happiness will not be found in things, or in places... it must be found within so that you can take it anywhere your passions lie! A little secret I learned in Patagonia. Thanks Ben, Jaya, Joos and all of my friends in that special place!

As always, if I have inspired you, I am so happy... if I have offended you, that means you are feeling something, the very first step to finding your passion in life!

Thank you to my Mia, my friends, children and family for your support and love through all of this! You are my reason for being!  Much love to all :)

Alberta Bound... until I die

Ya, it's the title of a country song, but has stuck in one of those endless loops in my mind since 2000! That was the year I threw away all "logic" and decided to go out to see the mountains... left a piece of my soul in those high, lofty places and made it a solid commitment to get out there to live if it's the last thing I do with the last breath in my body! I have been back out there in those mountains several times since then, but only to visit and have to return to where I came from. Yes, I did take the plunge and moved to Patagonia to live and work in the mountains a short while ago, but that ended rather abruptly and is not the topic of my blog today. I love Patagonia and the people I met there and look forward to returning there at some point in my life.

So, it is in August of 2011 that I have made the commitment to return to Alberta, this time to live, work and play! How exciting is that! I will make the move at the end of September, driving out with the little belongings that I have. Of course that will include my climbing and wilderness gear, my books and a few clothes. It's all anyone needs. : )  I have the unique opportunity of being able to drive out with two of our kids as well which will make the trip even more memorable and exciting! My only pain is that once again I am leaving Maria, my beautiful soul mate, wife and partner in Ontario until she is able to follow...

One deliberates such decisions and agonizes over all kinds of outcomes... in the end, I know and understand that our love for each other is intricately woven into the essence of mountain culture. We both crave to be back in the mountains and will commit to doing whatever it takes to get there once again! Mountains speak a universal language to those of us that understand it... you know who you are, and you know what I mean! Some could not care less for mountains and see them as stoic images of hardship, danger and overshadowing mass. For those people, I read as a lunatic, a fanatic, a person who has lost touch with reality and what is important in life. For the kindred spirits out there, we know a different meaning for mountains, and have a very  unique feeling in our hearts for the privilege of being in their presence!

So, now I prepare for the move to Alberta. I prepare for the next epic chapter in my colorful life! Stay tuned for some very happy notes as this lifes dream works it's way to fruition! Much love to all and keep searching for the true direction in your life. Do not ignore the yearnings in your heart...

Life Changes

So... Life does change for all of us at some time or another. The changes may be imperceptible, subtle or huge life-altering ones. What has changed in your life and how has it affected you, your family, your pets, your friends, your enemies, people you did not even know about??? Change has an outcome, either positive, neutral or negative. The complexity of the matter is that the change in your life affects others around you in different ways... the effect is not the same for everyone! Something to think about...

Life has recently changed for me. Yes, it was a choice, and yes that choice had clear, and not so clear consequences... some of them I don't even know yet! From passionate climbing gym owner to... well, NOT a climbing gym owner! Still passionate about every aspect of climbing, but everything that evolved from and hovered around the climbing gym is now past tense. After 15 years, Off The Wall Indoor Climbing has ceased to be. Notice I did not say it's gone! That is not all bad. What prompted me to write was the incessant thoughts that keep me awake at night... all night long, for weeks now.

What's next?... how to deal with the debt?... now there is nowhere local for climbers to go!... how many people have I let down?... sigh. It's incredible what your mind comes up with in a time of uncertainty and great stress...

So, what good is there with change that one can focus on, that one could celebrate and be happy with? This is what I truly want to dig into! I could write volumes on all of the negativity, "reality" and adverse effects of change. These come forward and dominate the landscape of ones being all too easily! I humbly choose to explore the lighter, brighter side of change, the side that does not obviously present itself, or is simply overshadowed by the inky, darker side if we let it! Why is it that most people find it so easy to become immersed in the murky, sticky substance of the darker side of change? It is the most prevalent direction of thought that comes easiest to me! I have to fight, all day long every day, with the closet  full of demons all clamoring to get out... it's like being at a Rammstein concert while truly wanting to listen to classical Vivaldi! It's the dark side of me that craves the Rammstein... crap. I like Rammstein! Sigh.

So, I do have to say that it is the love of my immediate family and that same love from my true friends that has kept some semblance of the lighter side in focus for me. These are the people who have truly grabbed me physically and emotionally and have shaken me loose from the darker side of my thoughts long enough for me to begin to actualize that I can choose something different! Wow. So, this is my revelation in doing my best to focus on the lighter, brighter aspect of change.

What is it that this change has manifested that I can be truly ecstatic about? This was a true soul search for me because I truly loved what I did at Off The Wall! So, I came up with a few things that may be a catalyst to other thoughts at some point. When I plan a road trip now, I don't have to weigh the cost of trying to replace myself at OTW. Monumental! I don't have to stress over running a business any more. Huge! No more 3am alarm calls during the worst snowstorm of the year to a brick thrown through the front window by a pathetic ex-employee. Wow! I don't ever have to answer another call by some organization begging for money. Sigh! No more washing pee out of kids harnesses. Yaaaay! No more cleaning s h i t off of various surfaces of the washroom. Oooooh Yaaaa! I can look forward to the 15th and the last of every month without stress. Incredible feeling! I feel that this is a good beginning, a real catalyst to actually beginning to feel the lighter, brighter side of this change. I will be ok. My family will be ok.

A true thank you, straight from the heart first and foremost to EVERYONE who truly cared about OTW. I love all of you very much. If you ever feel compelled to send me a note of encouragement, you know that it will go a long way to keeping this boy on track, on the rails to his next adventure... whatever that may be.
Thank you so very much for all of it. : )
Much love...