Life has recently changed for me. Yes, it was a choice, and yes that choice had clear, and not so clear consequences... some of them I don't even know yet! From passionate climbing gym owner to... well, NOT a climbing gym owner! Still passionate about every aspect of climbing, but everything that evolved from and hovered around the climbing gym is now past tense. After 15 years, Off The Wall Indoor Climbing has ceased to be. Notice I did not say it's gone! That is not all bad. What prompted me to write was the incessant thoughts that keep me awake at night... all night long, for weeks now.
What's next?... how to deal with the debt?... now there is nowhere local for climbers to go!... how many people have I let down?... sigh. It's incredible what your mind comes up with in a time of uncertainty and great stress...
So, what good is there with change that one can focus on, that one could celebrate and be happy with? This is what I truly want to dig into! I could write volumes on all of the negativity, "reality" and adverse effects of change. These come forward and dominate the landscape of ones being all too easily! I humbly choose to explore the lighter, brighter side of change, the side that does not obviously present itself, or is simply overshadowed by the inky, darker side if we let it! Why is it that most people find it so easy to become immersed in the murky, sticky substance of the darker side of change? It is the most prevalent direction of thought that comes easiest to me! I have to fight, all day long every day, with the closet full of demons all clamoring to get out... it's like being at a Rammstein concert while truly wanting to listen to classical Vivaldi! It's the dark side of me that craves the Rammstein... crap. I like Rammstein! Sigh.
So, I do have to say that it is the love of my immediate family and that same love from my true friends that has kept some semblance of the lighter side in focus for me. These are the people who have truly grabbed me physically and emotionally and have shaken me loose from the darker side of my thoughts long enough for me to begin to actualize that I can choose something different! Wow. So, this is my revelation in doing my best to focus on the lighter, brighter aspect of change.
What is it that this change has manifested that I can be truly ecstatic about? This was a true soul search for me because I truly loved what I did at Off The Wall! So, I came up with a few things that may be a catalyst to other thoughts at some point. When I plan a road trip now, I don't have to weigh the cost of trying to replace myself at OTW. Monumental! I don't have to stress over running a business any more. Huge! No more 3am alarm calls during the worst snowstorm of the year to a brick thrown through the front window by a pathetic ex-employee. Wow! I don't ever have to answer another call by some organization begging for money. Sigh! No more washing pee out of kids harnesses. Yaaaay! No more cleaning s h i t off of various surfaces of the washroom. Oooooh Yaaaa! I can look forward to the 15th and the last of every month without stress. Incredible feeling! I feel that this is a good beginning, a real catalyst to actually beginning to feel the lighter, brighter side of this change. I will be ok. My family will be ok.
A true thank you, straight from the heart first and foremost to EVERYONE who truly cared about OTW. I love all of you very much. If you ever feel compelled to send me a note of encouragement, you know that it will go a long way to keeping this boy on track, on the rails to his next adventure... whatever that may be.
Thank you so very much for all of it. : )
Much love...
